OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
