i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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