I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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