I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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