based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
