I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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