Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
