"it" just moved
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
