i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
