Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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