I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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