My liver just broke up with me...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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