hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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