he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
