I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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