I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
