I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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