I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize