you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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