He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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