is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
