I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
