Soap is not a condiment
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain