I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..