we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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