Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
