I just pynch a tree in the face
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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