He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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