I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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