nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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