You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
