Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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