I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
