Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
