I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
