Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
