My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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