Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
