Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
