i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
