there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
