then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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