Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
