You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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