Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
