i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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