Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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