she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
