I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
