She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
