It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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