Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
