he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
