the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
