Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
