And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I die, sorry about rent.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
