i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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