Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have started to decorate penises.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
