you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
