Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just gargled with NyQuil
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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