I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
